Catching up with the kids
by Andrea Garnier Spongberg
We all know how important it is to keep lines of communication open with our kids. It is probably our biggest challenge as parents. It becomes especially challenging in a divorced family, and even more important. Kids and parents who are not in constant contact can easily drift apart. Trying to keep up on all the latest in kids' ever-expanding universe of learning can be daunting. Think of all their school achievements and myriad extra-curricular events such as soccer games and gymnastic meets. What about their latest crush, their favourite song, their funniest youtube video of the moment? In a divorce situation a kid and parent may be separated by time and distance to varying degrees. Luckily we have technology to help minimize these separations. In fact, in the future it may become mandated by law for parents to maintain communication with children who are not in their physical custody. In March of 2006 Wisconsin became the second state, after Utah, to legally recognize electronic communication as a way of supplementing regular in-person visits. Unfortunately some divorces are so acrimonious that parents fight over the right to communicate with their children. These laws will help pave the way to recognizing the value of electronic communication in a shared parenting situation. Here are some of the methods that can be used:
TELEPHONE: The old standby telephone call has experienced a renaissance with the advent of cell phones. Buying a kid a cell phone can be a bit of a gamble however, my son has already "misplaced" two cell phones. If only they had some sort of homing beacon on them! As phone technology advances you can talk on the phone, send text messages (which reduce intrusion...a good thing!), send pictures, email and even videos.
EMAIL: Email quickly overtook snail mail in the 1990s and is now the written communication standard. Kids usually have at least one email account at home and at school. My kids both have a web-based email account on MSN Hotmail which allows them to access their email at any computer. They also have a web-based email through their school and the Calgary Board of Education. Apart from messages, email can also be used to send online greeting cards for birthdays and holidays. Unfortunately email can also be used to forward chain mail which pre-teens seem to love! Not much has changed there it seems.
CHAT: Chat programs provide real-time interactive communication. Windows Live Messenger seems to be the chat program of choice lately, however many other providers exist such as Yahoo, Pidgin and ICQ. Most of these programs will also allow you to use your webcam in conjunction with the program to provide full videoconferencing where you talk back and forth on camera, or you can still chat on the keyboard and run the webcam to see the person as they are typing. Messenger has a games component where you can play UNO or trivia games with each other while you are chatting, not to mention lots of cool add-ons to personalize your chatting.
APPLE: For those who want to avoid PC-based viruses, spyware and malware, Apple can be a family friendly alternative. Macs have a built-in webcam and chat program called ichat. In addition, if you sign up for a .mac account you get a personal website and photo hosting and email addresses.
SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES: Facebook has emerged as a super easy and fun way for kids and parents to keep in touch. You can message each other, post photos and status updates, add applications that compare musical tastes, favourite movies and the like. MySpace is another site that allows you to message each other, view each other's photos and find music from all over the world.
PHOTO AND VIDEO SITES: Youtube, Flikr, Picasa, and Pixpo are a few of the websites where you can post your videos and/or photos along with captions. Youtube has become extremely popular with kids who watch the site like we watched television in our childhood. They are encouraged to make their own video responses to posted videos. Watching your kids' creations can be extremely funny and sometimes embarrassing! These programs allow you to make your photos and videos private, only available to your family and friends, or public and available to everyone.
BLOGS: Many blog sites exist such as Microsoft spaces, blogger and now new kid-oriented blog sites are being introduced. imbee is a fully featured blog site for kids. Checking their blog can keep you up to date on their activities and feelings...most kids are not shy about sharing their private hopes and fears online.
MULTIPLAYER ONLINE GAME SITES: These sites are becoming extremely popular with kids. They include Webkinz, Toontown, Habbo Hotel, and Club Penguin. Most require a paid subscription of some kind. For Webkinz you have to buy a stuffie with a code to get your account up and running. Kids and parents alike can set up accounts and play mini games together or chat in some of them.
SCHOOL WEBSITES: An easy way to keep track of activities is to keep an eye on your kids' school website (if their school has one). They may also have an online homework site where their assignments are posted. Get an account from your school and you can monitor their work.
So as you can see there are many ways to keep in touch with your kids using a computer, a webcam and a cell phone. Unfortunately the costs can be prohibitive for some, and maintaining the equipment can be troublesome especially when the other parent is unable or unwilling to do so in their home. Remember to review Internet safety rules and go over them periodically with your child. An added benefit of all of this electronic communication is that you can monitor your kids' online presence at the same time as maintaining a virtual connection with them over time and space.
Divorced parents gain virtual visitation rights, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, March 27, 2006 http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=411182
Andrea Garnier Spongberg (aka coolcatz777 on Webkinz and youtube) is a Facebook addict along with her daughter Kira.
This article was published in the February/March issue of Western Parent.
